astoria, ny
May 27: Photos of my Memorial Day cravings. Pregnant and patriotic:
May 28: A lot of foods are still revolting to me. The one thing I can always eat is an avocado sushi roll with extra ginger. I have one every day for about three weeks and sometimes twice.
May 29: Eating like a pro athlete. Or feeding one...
(At 5:00 AM) "Wake up, I need three to five hundred calories!" she says.
(At 8:00 AM) "It's time for second breakfast!," the apple- sized linebacker says.
Seriously fetus? I don't care if you decide to be a linebacker, but I would prefer not to be the size one one when this is all over...
Yes, we can have nachos for dinner. Again.
May 30: I celebrate my 40th birthday. I admit it, I try to compensate for my age and pregnancy by wearing a black mini dress. It looked adorable on Tuesday, but by Friday my boobs had grown a full cup size and refused to be contained in the LBD. All moo moos for the rest of the summer...
May 31: Someone offers me his seat on the subway and I immediately think, "How does he know???" Because it's easier to believe a New Yorker can smell my pheromones than is just being nice.
June 1: 16 weeks. She is an avocado. And I can't stop eating them.
cape may, nj
June 2: She's moving! Or is that gas...?
June 3: I start rehearsal for Moon Over Buffalo. When I announce to the group that I am pregnant, one if the interns says, "Oh, I couldn't tell at all. I just thought, 'man, she has great legs, and great boobs!'"
Aw, pregnant chicks have all the fun...
Aw, pregnant chicks have all the fun...
June 4: She's moving! Or is that gas...?
June 5: I fart audibly during my scene with my new friend Brian. He doesn't notice, because my voice is loud enough to cover, but I cannot remember my next line because I immediately start cataloguing all the quiet moments of our play, so I know when to clench.
June 6: On this warm Friday, the thought of sauvignon blanc drifts through my mind and I do not feel sick. I must be getting better...
June 7: I wake up at 4:00 in the morning because the fetus is hungry. I do not want to get out of bed, but she will not be ignored... She's basically putting me through training.
a few more texts between sheffield and me:
(one can almost hear Sheffield sighing at the end of this exchange)
Cataloguing Moments to Clench. I think that's chapter 24 of An Actor Prepares.
ReplyDeleteYes, Nathan. I got an B in college, but I'd ace that chapter now.
DeleteEverything that you write makes me laugh. Everything. Every. Thing.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy. Humor. Often, I think it's all we got.
ReplyDelete