drinking for two

weeks 13 & 14

astoria, queens, ny

May 11:  Little Fetus Froo Froo is 13 weeks and the size of a peach.  Also, it's Mother's Day.  I insisted that Sheffield bring me flowers.  He did, even though he says it's not really my first Mother's Day.  I know, I know...  but even if I'm not really a mother, I am really about to barf, so flowers are still appropriate.

May 12:  Every morning is like a hangover without the consolation that at least I looked hot and had a fun time last night.  Because last night, I looked dumpy, and I had a headache and nausea then too.

May 13:   I know I am still under the influence of Morning Sickness because I still can't stand the smell of coffee, and because my sense of smell is superhuman.  Someone in our neighborhood is brewing a pot at 2:30 in the afternoon for the second day in a row.  They could be at the end of the block for all I know; that's how strong my sniffer is.  I guess tracking them down and vomiting on their floor is not exactly "eye-for-an-eye...?"

May 14:  I thought I'd feel a big improvement after 12 weeks, but I don't.  Still, I have my good days and bad days.  It's a good day when I manage to brush my hair and put on a bra.

May 15:  My Doctor's office calls to give us results of the week 12 blood tests:  all negative, all good.  I exhale, and realize I haven't done so in ten days.  Then the nurse asks if we want to know the sex of the baby.  I put it on speaker phone, so Sheffield can hear.  A tear forms at the outside of each of his eyes when she says, "the results are consistent with a female fetus."  We start laughing, and yet there are tears on both of us.  For the first time since the end of March, with these two pieces of information, I know that no matter how sick I've been or will be, this is going to wonderful.

May 16:  I have now had a good sixteen of the best phone calls I've ever had the pleasure of initiating.

May 17:  Pregnancy brain: departing my friend's house, I leave behind my purse, my sunglasses, and my anti-nausea medication.  I can't retain anything.  But I have brain-stamina to do hours of online browsing for the following items:  breast pump, rocking chair, stroller, diaper service, and file cabinets. (File Cabinets?  We live in New York.  I can't stop thinking about ways to make space.)

May 18:  Week 14.  The experts agree: she is the size of a lemon.

May 19:  I only needed three anti-nausea pills today!!!!  3!!!

May 20:  It takes eight phone calls and several hours to nail down an appointment with a midwife who takes my insurance.  At one point, while I was on-hold, I had to terminate the call, so I could rush to the bathroom and throw up.

(Evidently, three anti nausea pills are not enough.)

Well into the second hour of these calls, I crumbled to tears and asked Sheffield to take over.  Why can't I just pick up the rotary phone and dial Trixie and Jenny and Chummy?  Within about ten minutes Sheffield had us an appointment, but not at the convenient location we'd hoped for.  We'll have to go to First Avenue, which is sort of an awkward commute from our place.

... and, no, the midwife will not be making house calls on her bike.

May 21:  Sheffield asks, "what do you want for lunch?" and the fetus replies:  "Classic Corned Beef Reuben with a side of Cole Slaw."  I know it's the fetus talking because I know that sauerkraut is not meant for sandwiches.

The sandwich is delicious and feeds us for four meals and one 3:00 A.M. snack.

May 22:  I know that I am showing now because I cannot flatten my belly by "sucking in."  So this summer, we'll be Sucking Out to all our favorite tunes!

May 23:   Finding a cute dress for one's pregnant 40th birthday is no easy task.  I bought three.  One of them will work...?

May 24:  I go to a graduation party where there is a champagne toast.  When asked if I'd like to partake, Sheffield says, "Fill 'er up; she drinking for two!"  It's his new favorite joke.

May 25:  Week 15:  Little Fetus Froo Froo is the size of a navel orange.  We have dinner with friends who are moving soon.  Everyone enjoy a glass of wine.  I know I am becoming myself again when a whiff of Sauvignon Blanc does not make me sick.  Sheffield requests that I be brought some wine, "and fill it up; she's drinking for two!"  I'm already tired of this joke.

May 26:  I join Sheffield who was with a group of actors we haven't seen for a while, and we get to share the news that we are expecting.  (Actors are great; they make a big deal out of everything.  Naturally, we got applause.)  Then the waitress came to see if I wanted to order a drink.  I said, "no, I'm pregnant, so just water for me."  Sheffield beamed and said, "bring her beer and wine; she's drinking for two!"

Six.  More.  Months...