tidal waves

weeks 29 & 30
Columbus, OH, Louisville, KY, and Destin, FL

Aug 31: 29 weeks. Size of a butternut Squash. And I get an Ohio chapter Baby Shower. I kind of failed Baby Registry Class because I was thinking like a New Yorker and assumed everyone would prefer to shop online. I registered for a cloth diaper service (gift certificates one click away!), at Target, and at Babies R Us (the website of which frustrated me to the point that there were only two items on that registry). So, when my guests actually drove to Babies R Us they were more than a little confused. Somehow, though, these friends and family transcended my poor registry skills, and I ended up with some powerfully cute stuff. People will really rally for New Life. It's kinda beautiful.

Sept 1: Some pictures from my shower yesterday. These are Grandma's gifts. There was a lot there, and she claims to have used restraint. She's very enthusiastic about her first grandbaby.   She started shopping the day I started menstruating.

ˈpreg-lə-jənt

Week 28, Astoria, NY and Reynoldsburg, OH

Aug 24:  28 weeks.  Fetus Froo Froo is the size of an eggplant.

Aug 25:  I arrive in my hometown, Columbus, Ohio.



Aug 26:  Pregligent  adjective  (ˈpreg-lə-jənt) A pregnant woman's failure to do the things that society and the internet tell her to do. (Eg.  1. Follow a registry check list.  2.  Use a pencil to check that shit off.  3.  Kegels.  Kegels in the car, kegels in bed, kegels in line at the grocery, Kegels! Kegles! Kegels! )   2. Doing the things the same forces tell her not to do.  (Eg.  1.  The consumption of "don't eats" such as hot dogs, goat cheese, brie, Subway club, spicy tuna rolls, fried eggs.  2.  The leaving in of one's naval ring, and failure to apply proper sunscreen of surrounding skin.  3. Contact sports.  4.  Clubbing.)  Middle English, from Anglo-French & Latin pregnant, preggo, pregay; Anglo-French, from Latin neglegent-, neglegens, present participle of neglegere.  First Known Use: Today.  preg-ne-gent-ly adverb.

I feel that something's come between us...

HEY YOU!!! Are you becoming a b & the b regular? Would you consider following us via the buttons in the middle of the left column? You can follow by email or by Google +. Or just share with a friend?  (Aw, c'mon; it's for the baby....)  Thanks! -Bean and Bam.

week 27 astoria, ny

Aug 17:  Week 27.  Little Fetus Froo Froo is the size of a head of cauliflower.  Have you been int he produce section lately?  Check it out.  

As a normally cold-hands/cold-feet person, it is just plain strange that I throw off all the covers and turn the AC on.

Aug 18:  So grateful for every day in which I escape nausea.  When I was very sick during the first trimester, and staying at my parents' house, my mom was constantly monitoring my wellness.  Often I would simply report the last time I puked.  If I was dressed and on two feet, she was confident that I was okay and didn't have to ask.  Occasionally, I would be somewhere in between, without the words to describe how I felt.  --I hate to be without the right words.--  I felt too shaky to get out of bed (most days), and just on the verge of vomiting.  It feels like a small cloud of "queasy" stuck right in your craw... those are almost the right words, but not quite.  Eventually, I found the words for what that feels like, and I offer the phrase to you here, in hopes that you never have to use it.  The next time you might barf, but it's at least five minutes from happening, you can alert you loved ones by stating: "my gag is up."

Aug 19:  Midwife appointment #4.  That Glucose test can go to hell...

intimate*tryptophan*fistula

weeks 25 & 26 astoria, ny (home!)

Aug 3:  25 weeks.  Little Fetus Froo Froo is the size of an Acorn Squash.  And I am finally home.  I will miss performing --it could be a while before I'm on stage again-- but it will be nice not to have to fight the waistline of my Act One costume anymore.  Belly be free!

Aug 4:  Trying to register for baby things is such a racket.  There's just so much!  Seventeen webpages of swaddle blankets?  It makes me want to throw up.  

Or maybe it's just that I'm only taking half a Zophran pill now...

Aug 5:  It is unusual for me to sleep this much.  I sleep like a boss.  I can sleep anywhere, anytime.  Everyday, after a full night of sleep, I still sleep for one-two hours everyday.  (I know, live it up, right?)

Aug 6:  Nauseous again.  Now that my performing is over, I am prepared to be sick as I further wean off my anti-nausea pills (midwives' advice).  I listen to an BBC recording that states, among other theories, that studies show that babies whose mothers experienced significant morning sickness do better on intelligence tests.  

Ah, yes, I've suspected this all along, but now I am certain:  I'm going to birth a genius.

Aug 7:  Still trying to "complete" registry.  Seriously, Babies R Us?  That's a lot of fucking pink.  

cute in yer ute

HEY YOU!!! Are you becoming a b & the b regular? Would you consider following us via the buttons in the middle of the left column? You can follow by email or by Google +. Or just share with a friend?  (Aw, c'mon; it's for the baby....)  Thanks! -Bean and Bam.

weeks 21 & 22 cape may, nj

July 6:  Little Fetus Froo Froo is the size of a pomegranate.  We've reached 21 weeks.

July 7:  My belly is growing daily now.  My fingernails are growing at a remarkable rate. And, of course, my boobs continue to test the laws of bodily proportions.  Thus, my spacial awareness has been compromised.  Today, removing my shirt, I stabbed myself in the nipple with my own thumb nail.  Thank god for you, blog.  To whom else could I confide such private matters?

July 8:  Friends ask me if I feel extra "hormonal", like, am I freaking out?  I say no, but then on reflection, I realize that I totally am, but hardly anyone sees it.  Because of my schedule,  I'm basically on my own until 7 PM at night, at which point it is my job to pretend to be another person.  Who is not pregnant.  Essentially, I am a new shade of crazy that I have never been before, but no one is around to witness it.  The exception, of course, is my husband...

f-bomb baby blog bump pics

weeks 19 & 20 cape may, nj

June 22:  Nineteen weeks.  Baby is the size of a mango.

June 23:  

 

June 24:  For the record, readers, I have heard your requests for bump pics.  But I have mixed feelings about posting these profile belly shots.  I am taking them, yes, from a very clumsy selfie angle, and I share them with Sheffield since he is the father and he is not here to see the week-by-week changes, but I'm just not sure I want to share them with my online community.
You will think I am vain (I am) and self conscious (I'm not), but there's more to it that that.  When I was not pregnant, these shots of other bellies made me feel jealous and judgy.  Now, reader, you have to admit, parent or not, that you too are likely to judge the size of a pregnant belly.  And one never knows how to respond to "you're tiny!"  (Is that okay?  Is something wrong with my baby?)  or "you're huge!"  (Is that okay? Is something wrong with my baby?... Wait, are you calling me fat? ... FuckOffIKnow!)  
Now, if I am not actually in front of you modeling my roundness, if you are gazing upon the bulge via the internet, you are even more free to express your opinions about how big or small I and the bump appear.  The thought of which does not make me entirely enthusiastic...

92 Yahoos

weeks 17 & 18    cape may, nj

June 8: Seventeen weeks. They say she's the size of a pear.

June 9: I wean down from three anti-nausea pills to two. And I feel great!

June 10: ...Then I throw up.
(This is becoming a common refrain.)